Imagination

I often find myself on a sort of creative roller-coaster. There are times when I am working on 3 or 4 projects at a time and am so thrilled to develop and build on them. Then there are times when I produce nothing. I'll find myself often bored and even if those projects which used to be exciting to me remain unfinished, I am suddenly unmotivated to the nth degree to even look at them, much less attempt to finish them. Right now feel like I am on the upswing of one of latter times. I find my brain is jumpstarting (or at least trying to) back into activity. I've never questioned this cycle of creativity before, I just figured it was part of who I am.

But I think I might have been wrong about that. As I observe this current jumpstarting process, I can clearly see specific sources which are building me back up into a functional state.

The first is LITERATURE. I suddenly start reading again. Madly. All the books I found myself slacking on or even just avoiding, I pick up again, find my place, backtrack if I need to, and hit the pedal to the end. I'm unsure of why the slacking happens in the first place. Especially because I'm very picky about my reading: I'll NEVER read a book that doesn't appeal to me. But nevertheless, as I start back up on my pile of books, I find my brain running a little faster and my dreams getting weirder (the latter is a clear indicator of the state of my imagination). I wonder if I can keep on myself and my reading, if I can't stave off those droughts? Definitely something to keep thinking about.

The second is a lot more subtle, and has more to do with my emotional vulnerability. I find I have been building up a shell around myself (for several personal reasons, but mostly to protect my pride and my self esteem- I know, big dork). As that shell begins to peel away, more thing irritate me, make me tear up, make me angry, get to me, etc... This shell thing is freaking STUPID and CHILDISH, but for whatever reason, it happens to me, and the only time I really notice it is when it is finally dissolving. What makes it dissolve? This time I think its a combination of some huge life changes, some career shifting, and this new class I'm taking. Being forced to be real and naked in front of classmates has followed me outside of class in a really great way. Keeping my defenses in balance is a good thing for me to carry forward and challenge for my next cycle of crazies.

I'm sure I'll start seeing more contributers, but for now, that's my list. We'll see if taking these notes can help me break through this roller coaster and keep my feet moving forward more often than back.